Friday, June 11, 2010

I am ready!

I already feel like a survivor and cancer-free. I can see myself celebrating of negative results with friends and family although my lumpectomy surgery is Tuesday June 15th at 12:45 am.

Your emails and Facebook posts, cards and calls have done wonders for my psyche. I especially love the stories you all are telling me about your own or a loved one's successful battle with cancer. The survivor stories remind me how far treatment has come and how many before me are now thriving having been changed in a positive way by their experience.

I have been hard at work in New York City this week doing everything but thinking about cancer or hospitals or surgery. I'm going to a children's writing workshop all day Saturday. I've scheduled a 90 minute massage on Sunday before we leave for Boston. I've got lunch scheduled in Cambridge MA with some dear college friends on Monday.

And I'm already looking beyond surgery to give myself something else to focus on. My sister and I are planning a visit to see my aunts in Virginia Beach two weeks after the surgery where we plan to celebrate a successful surgery, hang, laugh, shop, visit, drink a glass of wine or two and remember my mom.

For the next week or so I will be putting my attention on healing and being a "good" patient. My support network is rallying around me to help keep me positive and the last thing I want to do is take anything out on them. I'd lie if I said I wasn't scared but I am ready for this. I am ready for it to be over.

I feel the universe reaching out to hold me up with all the light and love you are all sending me. I am literally warm inside with the energy of it. And soon I'll be sending it all back out with the celebration of being cancer-free!


Jim Gross said...

Your post is so encouraging and empowering, Kathy. I have not had a cancer experience. But I did have a number of the reactions you describe for yourself prior to my hip surgery a few weeks ago. Like you, I felt (at least intellectually) all the love and support around me. but, I will tell you it took until the Sunday before hip surgery that I really noted I was in my head, more than head and gut, in terms of surrendering to the love and support. Something broke at that moment, and I just dropped all the thinking and just let me self fall into this web and just trust it---as an article of faith. I see now that it carried me through in fine shape and led to rapid healing. I know it will do the same for you. With you . . . jim

Tammy Vitale said...

I see you cancer-free and continuing to love life and share your writing with the rest of us! Hugs!

Kathy said...

Jim - what wonderful words and glad you are healing so well. Thanks for sharing that. I go between head and gut and have been since the diagnosis. When I let the guy take over I feel the love and healing power of the universe and within me. It's so easy for the head/ego to take over but I'm working on keeping focused on what the gut is telling me. All will be fine!

Tammy - thank you for the affirmation!! Hugs back!!

Jim Gross said...

You got my message spot on--although fat fingers caused a big typo. The third sentence talks about being in one's head--and how great it is to move beyond to "head and gut". That would be a strange mix, I must say. I meant: "heart and gut". But---you got me anyway . . . There are a few other little typos--not worth mentioning.

Bryan Lee said...

Kathy, thanks for sharing this with us! Your vision of being cancer free is very, very powerful, and I am glad those of us who love you have an emotional and spiritual place to channel our healing spirits your way!

Stacey said...

Hello dear Kathy!

Unfortunately I just found your note on my blog last week in the spam folder! This is the second time this has happened to you and I am completely at a loss to explain it. Equally baffling is that I found one of *my* comments also there!

Anyway, I'll keep closer tabs on this pesky folder and I'll focus my energy now on your wonderful appreciation! My heart felt like it would burst with pride and love as I read your post.

It is SO fabulous that we can all see and celebrate your cancer-free self enjoying so much in your very near future!

I'm so glad that I am able to offer you tons of love and light on the eve of your surgery. I love how you said at my blog that you have the image of your friends and family holding you up as you go through this process - and yes, we are!

Thank you again, dear Kathy, for all the love and light you shine in the world. Much love to you, s