Emerging on the other side of breast cancer

My "second carving" is over and was a piece of cake. I showed up at 6am at Brigham and Women's hospital yesterday for my 7:30am surgery, was headed home by 11:30am and climbed into my own bed back in Ghent at 3pm. I was as calm as could be, especially after the versed and other goodies they put in that IV. The pink hospital slippers, pictured here, from my friend Kathy McSweeney Kelly cheered me up as I recovered. Much better than those boring old brown ones they gave me at the hospital!

Today I am feeling like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and ready to get back to work - emotionally anyway! I was going to take the week off but instead am working from home taking full advantage of technology like instant messaging, conference calls, blackberry to reintegrate into my job while letting the stitches fully heal.

My surgeon, Dr. Troyan from Dana Farber Cancer Institute, said that things went as planned, she got what she needed. She'll call when the pathology results are in to scientifically confirm it was enough clear margin to move on but basically she gave me the "all clear." This was considered minor surgery so they were able to use local anesthetic plus IV sedation leaving me fog free within a few hours instead of a few days.

I summoned all of your good wishes and positive thoughts to keep me calm despite the difficulty they had in finding a viable vein to use for the IV and the strangeness of feeling aware - and actually talking to them - as they wheeled me in and out of that operating room. At some point I must have gone out because I heard them asking me if I had a nice nap and a lot more time had passed than I thought.

It feels great to be on the other side of breast cancer. Radiation and tamoxifen are next but those are simply to guard against future cancers. Today, for the first time, I feel truly able to celebrate my cancer free status without caveat. I didn't realize how heavily the second surgery was weighing me down until it was over yesterday.

David and I will be married four years on August 11th and planning a semi-local romantic adventure to celebrate. We feel very blessed, are appreciating every moment on this earth just a little bit more and finding it easier to be fully present in each and every one of them.

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor!

Results are in, nodes and margins are clear!! I saw the surgeon last Thursday and my oncologist yesterday and am pleased to report that my status is now considered "breast cancer survivor" and officially cancer-free since June 15th!!

This is clearly something huge to celebrate and you can bet that I am doing just that!! I celebrated with a trip to visit my aunts in Virginia Beach last weekend. I am continuing the celebration by recommitting to a healthy lifestyle, my exercise and yoga programs, filling our home with leafy greens, fresh fruit, whole grains and organic free-range everything. I am also adding regular oriental massage and looking into pilates as well as planning a killer 50th birthday culinary/wine adventure to Provence in 2012.

Yesterday at Dana Farber, we also discussed my recurrence prevention treatment and I feel empowered about my ability to choose what is done to me and my body. Although my two sentinel nodes were not involved as well as all my margins around the tumor, one of those margins was within 1 cm and considered "very close." I could have gone directly into radiation from here but because I am so young and have so many more years to thrive, my surgeon and oncologist strongly recommended we go back in to get a little more clear margin.

I decided to go with their recommendation so my second surgery is scheduled for July 6th at 7:30am back at Brigham and Women's Hospital. This will be a much easier surgery and require only local anesthesia plus IV sedation (similar to what you get at a colonscopy) so I'll be out of the hospital long before lunch, back in Ghent in time for dinner, and not have that two day recovery from general anesthesia. This made it much easier for me to decide to do the second surgery which will decrease my chance of recurrence. Since all my body's healing energies are already focused in this area from the first surgery, my healing from this second one will be even quicker than the last.

About three weeks after the surgery, I will have whole breast radiation daily for 6 weeks which I will do locally in Albany at St. Peter's Breast Center. There should be little to no side effects from the radiation or tamoxifen and I'll be able to still go into the city 2-3 days a week as normal. Since my tumor was estrogen and progesterone positive, I will also be starting hormone therapy and I'll be taking tamoxifen to block the estrogen receptors. Tamoxifen will help prevent my original breast cancer from returning and will also helps prevent the development of new cancers in the other breast.

There were no surprises from pathology but the size of tumor is just 1mm into the range they consider Stage II so the oncologist surprised me by bringing up the idea of chemo in addition to radiation. Adding chemo to my treatment would only increase my survival rate by a single percentage point over what I'm doing now - the lumpectomy/radiation/tamoxifen. Having seen what chemo does to the body, for me the slight increase in chance of recurrence from not doing it was not worth the havoc it would wreak on my quality of life. I chose not to go this route and hopefully this will be the last time I ever need to discuss chemo with my oncologist!

David and I both are appreciating and celebrating every moment even more now that I am a breast cancer survivor and as many of you predicted I am emerging even stronger and feeling more resilient than ever, ready to charge into each day with full intention and focus. I thank you all for taking this journey with me. Knowing you are all there with those positive vibes, prayers, mojo, light, love and support makes all the difference in keeping me positive and looking forward to the time when I would be cancer-free. That time has arrived and I hope you will all celebrate with me!!

I am a breast cancer survivor!!

Appreciating Every Moment

It's a glorious morning and I am once again sitting on Our Back Deck with Islay Bear. Relaxing, enjoying the view, healing. I walked the property this am to snap a few pictures of the wild flowers growing like crazy this year before David gets on the mower and cuts them down. The clover is just spectacular and attracting all sorts of bees and other insects to it. The small yellow butter cups and purple wild flowers are everywhere. There are major patches of wild thyme and wild black raspberries in places they've never been before. And all growing back after their hard winter. And I'm sure they will all grow back again stronger than ever after their pending "hair cut."

I feel some solidarity with them! It feels kind of like my comeback too. I am feeling better and better after surgery on Tuesday - a little discomfort still but I'm not even needing the CVS frozen pea ice packs anymore. Clever person who came up with that idea so we don't all have to use/waste real frozen peas anymore to get that perfectly molded ice pack.

My angels are all pampering me, not letting me lift or bend so as not to disturb the healing or stitches. Xiomara came this weekend to give David a break so he could work the Hudson-Chatham Winery tasting room for the Father's Day event. She was a whirlwind! Helping me do laundry, weeding the herb garden, sweeping the floors, tidying the rooms, scrubbing the stove, keeping me company and making the most delicious chicken and black bean dish for dinner.

I'm not even feeling the least bit nervous about the pathology results coming next week. I know they will show clear margins and no node involvement. And many of you have said your gut is telling you the same. It is a new normal after being diagnosed with cancer and I still have the radiation treatments to go through but I feel that the worst is behind me and celebrating every moment more than ever now. I could dwell on the "why me," be scared about surprises next week, or the knowledge that I am now higher risk for other bad stuff for the rest of my life but that won't serve me as well as being so thankful for all the things I have right here, right now. Like the beautiful wild flowers and black raspberries, my husband, my dog, my loving friends. This moment is the best of all!